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CIA and ISI are best friends

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on April 28, 2011

One of the biggest qualities that I admire amongst politicians, diplomats and consultants is their ability to speak crap with a straight face. I am often astonished by their ability to not burst into laughter when they say things like “We will tackle corruption at all levels” or “We must improve efficiency by increasing the output while keeping the inputs lower”. There’s one more addition to it. Pakistan’s envoy to the US Husain Haqqani just now informed us that CIA and ISI are the best buddies in the war of against terrorism. Once again, this is not a Faking News. He says,

    “Actually, contrary to public perception, CIA and ISI are the best of partners,” Haqqani told the MSNBC news channel in an interview.

    “Just as there are people who don’t want to believe the birth certificate even if it exists, similarly, there are people who don’t want to believe that the ISI is a partner of the CIA. And that causes a lot of problems,” Haqqani said referring to the controversy surrounding the birth certificate of President Barack Obama.

Given that even marxists people with the meanest brain know how the camaraderie between CIA and ISI goes, the envoy has just given skeptics one more reason to doubt Obama’s birth certificate by likening it with CIA-ISI friendship.

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Sachin and Sathya Sai Baba

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on April 26, 2011

Since I sport a hairstyle that resembles Sathya Sai Baba you might want to think that I am a disciple/devotee/sympathiser of him. Fortunately or otherwise it’s not true. The truth is I know very little to take a stance about him. I know that there are various corruption, sexual harassment and murder charges against him but in public sphere we often like to pass verdicts about people, especially famous, in the Guilty-until-proven-innocent fashion and that’s not a stance that I personally subscribe to. Clearly, that stance is justified in many cases in India as our judiciary and police rarely help the cause in proving the obvious perpetrators resulting in a one-off case like Jessica Lal being viewed with the “Victory of middle class against politicians” perspective rather than a reflection of how disgusting the police-politician-judiciary nexus is.

Anyways, much has been said about whether Sachin’s paying homage to Sathya Sai Baba at a public forum is a right thing to do. However, I particularly would like to address what my friend Deepak says on his blog

    If I am intellectually honest, I’ll say that he is the greatest cricketer but he has a side that, while personal and not rational, can have harmful side-effects. And whenever I applaud him, I will remember that I am adding to his influence which I know has certain harmful side-effects.

So, being a devotee of Sathya Sai Baba makes one irrational? Here’s the definition of rationality:

    1. the state or quality of being rational or logical
    2. the possession or utilization of reason or logic
    3. a reasonable or logical opinion

Why are we so dismissive of the possibility that Sachin actually was aware of all the allegations against the guru and yet end up becoming a devotee because he experienced something?

To me, it’s not the fact that he is doing his job well that is the justification for his paying homage to the Baba. Even if A.Raja, Manmohan Singh or Ravindra Jadeja did the same thing I wouldn’t question their act. The onus lies on the people to separate the two aspects and not the celebrities themselves. Finally, it is for us to realize that all those allegations might be true, Sachin might well be aware of them and has chosen to overlook them for he benefited from his advice in some way or the other (and that might not be just about his batting, he could well have some other problems to think about too) and there could just be a very positive and a spiritual side to Sathya Sai Baba.

I am not saying there was. I don’t know much. But let’s give it a chance.

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Samajwadi Party to fight corruption

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on April 23, 2011

No, this is not a Faking News ripoff. It’s a real news. On a lazy Saturday evening with pretty much nothing of much importance to do I was getting awfully bored. I needed something to cheer myself up. And I got it.

Looking at the incredible turnout and support that Anna Hazare gathered, there must have been voices in other states for a fight against corruption with Anna’s help. But when you see Samajwadi Party requesting Anna to come to UP to fight against corruption it’s more like Chanderpaul pleading batsmen to maintain a high strike rate. However, Samajwadi Party has later retracted on the stance. Here’s what they say -

    Samajwadi Party today said that there was no need for Anna Hazare or the members of civil society to start a movement in Uttar Pradesh as the party is capable of fighting against corruption on its own.

    SP is competent to fight against corruption and the party had been doing so from the last four years…there is no need for Hazare or his supporters to launch a movement in the state, leader of the opposition Shivpal Yadav told reporters here.

Yes, SP is competent to fight against corruption and the party has been doing that for the last four years, according to SP. This clearly means I must embark on a national tour to keep up with what’s happening around the country. There are so many developments that I am not aware of. Maybe, I should revisit my views about Sharad Pawar’s involvement in scams, Manmohan Singh’s ability to speak up and buy-two-get-one-free Abhishek Bachchan’s acting.

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The great Sardar Patel

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on March 4, 2011

Relax! I am not the one to write a fifty-thousand word essay here. Apart from the obvious that I lack enough knowledge to write so much about Sardar Patel, I too have things to do. However, I would like to ramble on a few things for my own sake more than anyone’s. I am currently reading India after Gandhi by Ramchandra Guha. I have never quite been a fan of Ramachandra Guha for his incessant attempts of purporting to be an intellectual historian, if such a thing exists. Yet, this book makes a mark. It’s probably the most unbiased piece of history I have come across in a long time. I had become completely disillusioned by history and historians after the likes of Irfan Habib, K.N.Panikkar and Romila Thapar, probably the most noted historians in India. It is indeed our great fortune that Arun Shourie, an intellectual in true sense, gifted us with Eminent Historians – Their Technology, Their Line and Their Frauds that has helped us expose the black hole of Marxist historians. Interestingly, I am yet to hear of a rejoinder, except these kinds written by K.M.Panikkar stating that Shourie has sold himself in flesh market – a language that even Indian politicians, let alone intellectuals, refrain from using in a public discourse. It must have been a nasty jar for Mr.Panikkar.

Enough of digressions. So, while I was reading India after Gandhi that I came across a couple of lines from Sardar Patel’s letter to Nehru dated as back as 7th Nov, 1950. Out of curiosity, I googled up and I found the letter online. It’s an astonishing piece of foresight. If there is any irony in that letter it has to be the fact that he wrote it to Mr.Nehru, an architect of most failed policies ranging from non-alliance, pseudo-secularism and many others. I was simply awestruck to see the vision of a man who, if had been the PM, would have taken our nation to an entirely different platform. And I say this not without a reason. Apart from the fact that he envisaged the dangers of Islamic terrorism, he stands out for pointing out the spectre of communist terrorism emanating from the pockets of rural India with the covert support of CPI(M) and China. This is incredible! Simply put, phenomenal. To quote Mr.Patel –

    Chinese irredentism and communist imperialism are different from the expansionism or imperialism of the western powers. The former has a cloak of ideology which makes it ten times more dangerous. In the guise of ideological expansion lie concealed racial, national or historical claims. The danger from the north and north-east, therefore, becomes both communist and imperialist. While our western and north-western threat to security is still as prominent as before, a new threat has developed from the north and north-east. Thus, for the first time, after centuries, India’s defence has to concentrate itself on two fronts simultaneously. Our defence measures have so far been based on the calculations of superiority over Pakistan. In our calculations we shall now have to reckon with communist China in the north and in the north-east, a communist China which has definite ambitions and aims and which does not, in any way, seem friendly disposed towards us.

The year is 1950. As sated in the book, Nehru sent a note to Patel saying he thought it extremely unlikely that India would face an attack from China. He also stated that Patel’s idea of Chinese communism meaning expansion towards India was rather naive. Patel died soon after. Nehru had full control over the Congress party. He went on to craft the Hindi-Chini bhai bhai in the following years. And in 1962, the bhai greeted us with kind brotherhood. Sadly, it was too late. Patel was vindicated.

Today it is 2011. China now lays claims on parts of Arunachal and Leh (as far as I know). There could be other areas in the north-east too. So who was being naive and who was a visionary is anyone’s guess.

Patel wrote further –

    Side by side with these external dangers, we shall now have to face serious internal problems as well. I have already asked Iengar to send to the External Affairs Ministry a copy of the Intelligence Bureau’s appreciation of these matters. Hitherto, the Communist Party of India has found some difficulty in contacting communists abroad, or in getting supplies of arms, literature, etc., from them. They had to contend with the difficult Burmese and Pakistan frontiers on the east or with the long seaboard. They shall now have a comparatively easy means of access to Chinese communists and through them to other foreign communists. Infiltration of spies, fifth columnists and communists would now be easier. Instead of having to deal with isolated communist pockets in Telengana and Warrangal we may have to deal with communist threats to our security along our northern and north-eastern frontiers, where, for supplies of arms and ammunition, they can safely depend on communist arsenals in China.

The whole letter is stunning. It’s a piece of passion, vision, foresight, astute understanding of International relations and unadulterated patriotism.

We must be one of the biggest cursed nations. We had Nehru as the first PM. He left a “legacy” that still haunts us. And a few good men like Patel couldn’t live longer. Patel died in 1950. May his soul rest in peace. May we get another Sardar Patel in 2011. We honestly deserve better than this.

Posted in Debate, Development, Politics | Tagged: , , | 10 Comments »

Food prices and speculators

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on February 14, 2011

Paul Krugman has been doing a lot of interesting writing on food prices worldwide. For the interested, these three pieces (1 , 2 and 3) are highly recommended. When an economist of that stature analyses such an issue in about a hundred words there’s not much that an amateur like me can really add to it. And no, I am not switching loyalties here. I still don’t like the way Paul Krugman imposes himself and often shies away from good intellectual debates with his contemporaries, at least on public forums. However, that hardly takes away anything from the fact that he often makes interesting points and is one of the most intelligent economists of our times.

Lately, with the food prices hitting mount Everest there has been a huge hue and cry about capitalism and commodities trading being largely responsible for this surge. The proponents of this theory often make ludicrous claims with a brilliant appeal to emotion saying things like, “capitalism’s tendency to foster greed encourages speculative behaviour of greedy individuals” and other such tripe. For them, those three articles are a must-read. To quote him,

    Many people on the “speculators did it” side like to point to financial data, especially large purchases of futures by various players. But food is a physical commodity, and plays in the financial markets can only move the price to the extent that they affect physical flows and stocks.

To make it further clear,

    But remember, every purchase of a futures contract is also a sale — there’s someone on the other side. And neither the purchase nor the sale changes the physical quantity of the commodity available to the market.

And while that should suffice for those interested in logical understanding of speculation and it’s impact on real-world, one of the linked posts above also talks about how bad-harvest has resulted in a deficit of about 4-5% per-capita food production.

So, the next time if you come across some local “experts” (interestingly they talk on a wide range of topics from food security to recessions to everything) like P.Sainath blaming speculators and forward trading as the main culprit behind food price rise, take it as a part of the “Entertainment” section of a newspaper. Let’s not confuse it for some serious thought as we already are neck-deep in the putrid trash created by various pseudo-experts with little IQ purporting to have a nuanced understanding of issues.

Posted in Development, Economics, General | 2 Comments »

Agla station…

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on February 5, 2011

As Jerry Seinfeld says, “To me what’s really amazing is that for every job that there is in the world, there’s someone willing to do it. Someone goes ‘Yes, I will stand in the tunnel breathing exhaust fumes watching the cars go by making sure every thing’s okay.’” Well, it sure does sound condescending to the unemployed and the ones doing the so-called menial work but hell yeah, it is funny.

So the other day, a friend of mine was telling me that apparently the voice in Delhi Metro that tells us about the next station and take care of your belongings stuff is the same guy who announces similar crap in the Singapore MRT. Interesting, isn’t it? I mean, isn’t it extraordinary that announcing the next station in a train where people are frustrated to get out of the train and stop smelling each other’s sweat, could be a specialised job? What do they do? Is it like when Sreedharan is planning the Metro, near the completion he asks his deputy, “Hey buddy, what do we do about the announcements? Get those trained guys who do these announcements world over to do it for us? I have heard there’s this guy called Tom and he’s really amazing at it. He announces these things in the most impassive of voices. I really liked that guy when I went to Singapore. I want him in on this project.” And then the subordinates go hunting for this Tom, the special train station announcer, everywhere.

My apologies to the sons and daughters of this guy if you happen to read this but in all fairness, I can guarantee that your dad won’t be talking to you the way he does to us. I have never quite understood this obsession with grumpy, hoarse, dull, drab voices being used for these announcements. Come on, the guy getting off the train is happy for god’s sake. In all the probabilities, he’s not on a leisure trip on a metro seeing how he feels. He wants to hear that the next station is the one where he wants to get down.
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Posted in Bollywood, General | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Carnage on D-Street and the man himself

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on February 2, 2011

I am not writing about Egypt. Besides the point that I haven’t much to offer on the subject, there are other things happening here that seem worth writing about as well. For example, one of the eye-catching stories that’s doing the rounds now is how Ranbir Kapoor skillfully escaped after possibly experiencing Shiela-ki-Jawani at Katrina’s residence before the IT raid. But then, for that TOI, Mid-Day and the likes would be more entertaining and illuminating sources than visiting this space that caters only to the people of the highest intellect around the world. ;)

I would rather talk about the fall in the markets since December, 2010. For those with real money in the market, it won’t be very hard to empathize with me on the pain in watching the markets bleed the way they are. When I started trading at in March of 2009, I had a pretty darn amazing run till about mid 2010. I began thinking that stock market was a real piece of cake and all those noob things. It’s only the markets like these that have taught me that during bulls making money is equivalent to betting on Ravindra Jadeja scoring a century against New Zealand. If you’ve got a bloody Motera-like pitch concrete road to play on against a bowling attack that could accommodate Ajit Agarkar even today then even there you will make money on a fairly regular basis.
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Happy Birthday Tiger

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on January 24, 2011

balasaheb

Amongst the garden-variety Indian liberals, one of the biggest taboos is uttering a good word about the Thackerays. Entering the elite club of those wise men or rather women (as most Indian men have responsibilities) requires you to renounce any affectionate feelings you might have for the Thackerays, the young and the old. So much so that I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if the Illuminati of the hollier-than-thou world lambaste Balasaheb’s father Great K.C.Thackeray just because of his name. That is why, this post of mine is almost certainly going to be sneered at by the wise women and I am going to be denied the membership of the elite club yet again. Happy that I am with an equilibrium of this sort where I do get to use my gray cells and they get to flaunt their Fabindia saris woven by the “Tribals from Dantewara”, I will proceed with my heartfelt good wishes to the “Hindu-Hriday Samrat” (as he calls himself) Balasaheb Thackeray. Thackeray’s detractors aren’t limited to the liberals naturally. For his controversial stance on Mumbai belonging to the “Marathi manoos” or his Muslim bashing has been censured by one and all umpteen times. But there’s more to Balasaheb than his Muslim-bashing (which also one needs to observe carefully before making judgment, e.g. saying that send Bangladeshis home isn’t quite anti-Muslim or communal) or his stance of on the “Marathi manoos”.

Every time I take a ride from Pune to Mumbai, my heart fills with gratitude and admiration for the Sena supermo’s most famous (at least for me) contribution to Maharashtra – The Mumbai-Pune Expressway. To envisage something of that caliber at the time when post-liberalization India was just about breaking free from Maruti-800 and Premier Padminis, was embracing multi-national companies and IT with both hands, required astute vision coupled with passion, something that one doesn’t quite associate with the Indian polity anymore. Yet, Balasaheb, with his childlike fantasy for this expressway, for high-speed travel between Mumbai and Pune, turned this into a reality when he came into power for the first time. When you are cruising at 150 kmph on long stretch of a banked curve before Lonavala, the only feeling one could possibly have is that of admiration.

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Tara ram pam, let the Big O come!

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on November 3, 2010

Obama

Yay! Yay! Yay! Lalalalala! The Big O is coming to the country of slumdogs. And guess what, he’s going to focus on job creation in India. So, if all goes well, then the sadakchhap Romeos, the “aane do” traffic assistants every time you are trying to reverse a car, all those jobless people writing million word essays at weeklies like The Outlook and of course, the young and talented but unlucky Ravindra Jadejas, can all be seen doing something productive and making money out of it. But then, that’s a big if. It’s not as if Mr.Obama has quite been able to pull off a recovery of the US economy since he took over. And if he actually does then I won’t be surprised if he lays a claim to a Nobel Prize in economics making him the first man to win the Nobel prize in two categories. And boy, won’t the Democrats love it? As it is, they are already debating about whether the big man is a Keynesian as if they really have a clue of what they’re talking about.

Be that as it may, the job creation bit doesn’t quite concern us that much at TBB. After all, we are a bunch of guys well-settled in jobs or academia who don’t quite have the “Miss-World” ambitions of making this world a better place to live and eradicating poverty. True, I, for one, would like to eradicate intellectual poverty by exterminating the Chomskies and the Roys, but that’s a thought that I am quite unlikely to put into action if you know me well enough. In that sense, I am an intellectual, truly.

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Posted in General, Politics | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Rakhi sues a blogger

Posted by Aditya Kuvalekar on October 26, 2010

rakhi

Backbenchers’ ordinary correspondent

Mumbai ,Oct 26: In a major turn of events yesterday, Rakhi Sawant reportedly filed a defamation case against an amateur blogger at a district court in Bandra for publicly comparing her with once booker prize winner and an activist Arundhati Roy. Sources close to Rakhi informed us that she was furious when she heard about the news. Reportedly, in a fit of rage, she threw her computer out of the window thinking that it would destroy the blog. When she calmed down and was informed that her throwing of computer would be ineffectual in removing the content on the blog that she called her lawyer and asked for advice. It was as per her lawyer (Ad.N.P.Jadhav) that she decided to go ahead with the defamation case that could hand the blogger a penalty of 50,00 INR and /or three months imprisonment.

When contacted, Rakhi was her usual self. Animated, agitated, upset and yet energetic. She did not shy away from talking about what we thought would be a sensitive issue. We caught up with Rakhi on the sets of “Rakhi ka insaaf” – a serial that Rakhi claims to have changed her inside out. She asked us if the person delivering insaaf to thousands of people on the television had no right to have insaaf herself. Miffed by some bloggers’ comments on Arundhati being as brainless as Rakhi, she asked us to question all those bloggers and netizens who attacked Rakhi just because she belonged to the minority. When asked exactly what minority did she belong to, she went into a deeper silence calling it a philosophical pause and labeled us as oppressors.

Rakhi was so furious with the content on the blog that she said she would ensure by all means that the blogger is sent to prison for such slanderous remarks casting aspersions on her intellect. She even released a statement saying “It’s a pity that a nation which talks about justice is denying justice to the very people who dole out justice even on a reality TV”. She said, “if a person uploads a morphed picture of mine I still wouldn’t drag him in court because it means they like the way I look. But when they call me dumb and brainless that I get really worked up. Agreed that I haven’t been the smartest of females in my life. I have done a lot of stupid things. But does that deserve insults of this order? I will stand up against it.”

We also caught up with her lawyer Ad.Jadhav. Jadhav told us that the blogger is soon going to have to hunt for a hiding place. Reportedly, the blogger wrote on his blog that “looking at Arundhati’s remarks, that reflect a sub-zero IQ, she comes across as stupid and brainless as Rakhi Sawant.” Jadhav showed us the IQ test results that Rakhi appeared for just to prove her point a day before. Her IQ stands at a mammoth 75 easily putting her significantly above the likes of Arundhati whose IQ could not be verified for unknown reasons. Jadhav also showed us the MRI scans of Rakhi’s head conducted at the Breach Candy hospital which shows an active brain that, according the reports, is working fine. This report, as per Jadhav, should alone suffice in putting the arrogant blogger behind the bars. According to Jadhav, a working brain from an MRI leaves no doubt that Rakhi is by no means whatsoever comparable with people like Arundhati Roy.

Arundhati Roy, when asked about this new controversy about Rakhi Sawant and the evidences such as MRI scan and IQ test, she said that she did not believe in such capitalist measures of evaluating a persons’ intellect. Arundhati said that staying at a houseboat in Srinagar, she chose not to look at any newspapers for the details of controversy and she chose to spend her time in Kashmir quietly in the company of nature and her beloved people. She told us that she preferred inner beauty of a person over his intellect. When questioned as to what exactly that meant we were asked to spend some time learning about subtleties and nuances of human character and it’s linkages with Mao’s revolutionary literature and her booker prize winning book to understand such aspects. Upon expressing our inability to do so she pelted some maoist literature at us calling it a revolutionary protest.

The blogger who is at the center of this controversy was also contacted but he declined to comment to avoid further controversies.

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