The Back-Benchers' Blog

One big problem with bollywood stars is that they think that most people possess an IQ of either bollywood stars or consultants . And that’s demeaning. Most of our machos and dudettes might have just about enough intelligence to open their mouth when they want to eat or say dialogues written by someone else but no more. To drive home this point of mine google would probably need about 0.2 seconds to furnish some interesting results but I would save you the trouble of googling.

But then, why this sudden outburst today? There is no big reason as such in fact. Today morning, when I opened my Indian Express, skimming through a whole lot of omnipresent rubbish that you get in the newspapers these days (IE is certainly way better than most others in that respect) I ended up here. Saifeena, the most talked-about couple of Bollywood, talking about their home production plans! Recession seems to have hit the B-town at last and production houses are having to rethink about their grand plans of vacations abroad. Apparently, Rajeev Khandelwal has had to shift his shooting location from New Zealand to Ooty. Now, if the Almighty blesses us then we might as well get to watch the Gunda famous historical Airport tarmac and the mountain where Shankar coolie’s college going mini-skirt clad sister was almost raped, again. But that’s stretching my imagination too far.

Harking back to the point about the intellectual challenges faced by the B-Town stars, here’s Saif Ali Khan from that article, answering the question on the issue of downsizing his home production. Saif says,

“We are not cutting down the budget, we are just planning it realistically so that we can make the same movie in lesser money”

How more consultantish can one get? Knowing fully well that it takes all sorts to make a world, I don’t let my mind bother me with trying to find out the difference between downsizing and making the movie in lesser money.

Probably, the stars are fed up with dialogues being fed into their mouth and at times they do want to showcase their skills of delivering big dialogues and opinions. In the process they probably sweat their grey cells to frazzle, only to end up making a mockery of themselves. But then, who cares? If you don’t sound outrageously stupid you appear on Page 1 of the main paper or the city supplement, otherwise you go to Page 3. As they say, any publicity is good publicity.

If you disagreed with me then how else would you explain the stars talking about the budget? It’s not that someone puts a gun to their head and says, “Don’t say I am not an expert and can’t comment” which is probably the most natural answer for someone like Katrina Kaif to give when she’s asked about the budget. A really honest doubt that I have is can Katrina even answer a question about what’s her role in the next movie, apart from saying stuff like, “It’s an off-beat character and I am quite looking forward to do it”? But the B-Town ,much like me (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog on loads of issues), doesn’t feel that they lack the knowledge on anything, be it world peace, budget, terrorism, fashion, education, malnutrition or cricket.

So, Here are our filmstars talking about the budget. My top 3 are –

#3- Priyanka Sense Impossible Chopra – Pranabda has won the heart of the aam admi and the experts with this Budget. I have just begun my own journey towards making our planet a greener and safer one. So in his emphasis on alternative and renewable energy, I heard a perfect echo. More kudos for the continued thrust on primary education and women’s issues. Further, this Budget will definitely help to bring down prices.

Noble as your efforts are Priyanka, what’s that got to do with union budget? And then, even the neoclassical economists in India are wondering if the budget will bring the prices down. There are a huge number of them feeling that it will drive them up. Care to explain a bit more about why would prices drop though? Or wait, noo. I agree.

#2 – Kareena the fourth idiot Kapoor- Since I did 3 Idiots, the thing uppermost in my head is getting every child in India (especially those BPL) at least basic education. This Budget supports my concerns. So, all is well. I’m happy micro and solar power facilities will be made available to Leh-Ladakh. We shot in Leh for 3 Idiots and I’m thrilled that this breathtaking region has got the government’s attention. More facilities to Leh-Ladakh will perhaps make it attractive to many producers.

Kareena, any idea what the poverty line is? And, how exactly does Leh being made more attractive to producers make it a good thing from the Union Budget point of view? You understand that it’s India’s budget, don’t you? And by the way, Shahid and Saif make it 2 idiots. Who’s the 3rd?

And the winner of the Best analysis from a B-Town person of the Budget-2010 is none other than the supposed girlfriend of our Wanted star Salman Khan. Ladies, Gentlemen and KJos, it is

#1 – Katrina lips don’t move Kaif – The overall Budget is positive for the education, entertainment and energy sectors. Finally, the FM has admitted that India is a nation of moviegoers. Clarification on custom duty for imported cinematographic films will benefit some. It would have been nice if cinema tickets were subsidized.

Has it rendered you speechless? Well, it did to me. “Finally FM has admitted that India is a nation of movigoers and hence cinema tickets should have been subsidized”. Katrina, we have guessed far too well that you are perfectly fine with not trying to act in any movie and just making use of your looks but this is taking it a bit too far. People like you the way you are, shut mouth and good looks. Don’t spoil it.

Finally, I leave you with this classic by none other than King-Khan after he was “detained” at Newark international airport. Now, his exemplary managerial quotes for KKR put to rest any doubts about his intelligence but if there’s any room for suspicion even now then this will take care of it all.

Profusely apologising to his fans for arriving two hours late at the casino city of New Jersey for Saturday’s function, Mr. Khan told the large number of Indian-Americans that he did not feel like stepping on American soil any more, but it was the love and affection of millions of his fans in the U.S. which would bring him to this country again and again.

My only guess is, the way Ranjho changed Chatur’s speech in 3-idiots, SRK’s secretary changed the word dollars from the original reaction to his fans. And boy, what an impact!! But SRK, as I said, not everyone’s a bollywood star or a consultant. So please…